Dr. Hans Rauk Questions

Dr Hans Rauk

Guide to Help

Dear Dr. Hans,

I am kinda shy and while I try to get up the nerve to talk to women in bars and social situations, I always feel like I am embarrassing myself. What would help with my confidence? - B Punko

First you have to remember that you are not the only one who has this insecurity. While it is cute for women to be shy, it is a down right hazard for a male! In fact most men are unable to “put themselves out there” without practice and ultimately a measure of success. The first thing I would suggest is to go out with a female friend. She can not only give you pointers on what a woman wants, but can help bring out the best qualities the you uniquely bring to the table. The next thing you might want to try is a chemical approach. Pheromones are chemicals that mimic the body’s own natural scents. These are male and female specific and have a tendency to attract the opposite sex at a more primitive level. There are many products on the market that include these scents in their make up. Using these have not only a tendency to affect the opposite sex subtly but also have show to increase the self-confidence of the wearer. The combination of both will often have the effect of greater success with women.

Dear Dr. Hans,

I seem to go blank and stupid when I am on a first date or even when talking to a woman on the phone the first few times. I can think of a thousand things to say when I am not in the situation, but once I get where I have to begin a conversation, I go stupid. Any ideas? -J Ries

Well going “stupid” is pretty much a common trait among men…on many levels I am afraid. However outside of giving you the normal advice of one, think of things she might be interested in to talk about or two, begin by commenting on her looks, hair, etc, or three, ask her about her day, work, interests and or family…check out DateConversation for a listing of topics to start and encourage conversation. These are designed to not only provide stimulating topics for date talk, but can help lead to a greater understanding of your date.

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Traveling Personals.com

Dear Dr. Hans,

If fathers have Fathers Day and mothers have Mothers Day, what day do single men get? -JK

Palm Sunday? You can also count Valentines day if you have someone to share it with.

Have a question for Dr. Hans Rauk PHD? Then email him at:
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Dear Dr, Hans

I am a member of a number of different dating sites and I am just not having any luck. I send out emails to women that I am interested in and I am getting no response. I try to be as personalized with each email and I enclose a picture but get nada…nothing. What am I doing wrong? – P Carter

Well you are not alone! My first suggestion would be to look at the emails you send out. Are you revealing truthfully just enough information to get the woman’s attention, but not too much as to take away all the intrigue? You might want to check out WritingAProfile.com for some pointers there. Next, lets look at the dating sites you are joining. If they encourage everyone to join for free, how serious can anyone be? Also you are one of probably millions of other men and they are all sending emails so most women get overwhelmed with messages. To avoid being lost in the crowd, first send a quality email with a good picture. Next join dating sties that charge a reasonable membership fee. As long as they don’t nickel and dime you to death with added “features”, pay sites offer more value than free sites because everyone is SERIOUS about being there. Smaller sites mean also you stand out more and have a better chance of getting noticed. Think about it…if you were a woman and got 100’s of emails in one site and a few dozen in another…which ones are more likely to get read and noticed? For a list of smaller sites, check out PersonalsStation.com and good luck!

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Dear Dr. Hans,

I am self-conscious about my weight and I think it is having a negative effect on my ability to find a girlfriend. I am not huge by any means but about 30 pounds over what I should be. I know I should try to loose weight but outside of that, what can I do to find a woman to love me?

-M. McFarland

First of all your weight is only an issue if you make it so. Second, there honestly is no rhyme or reason in most cases to whom a woman is attracted to physically. It is the man inside the body that attracts a woman. Men are much more visual in their attraction while women are more attracted to what a man is as a whole. While this might not be apparent sometimes to who is with whom, it is a general fact. Loosing weight will increase your self-confidence and that can lead to success with the opposite sex, but you need to remember that it is what you are, how you project and express yourself that will help you find and conquer the woman of your dreams.

Dr H. , Who should be the more romantic partner in a relationship, or who’s responsibility should it be to initiate romance or set up romantic situations , I am a male and say it should be up to both ,but think the women would be better at it than the man , My partner does not initiate many romantic scenarios and implies that that ‘s my responsibility and when I try I am told that that’s all I ever think about , it seems SHE never thinks about it and when she does ,Rarely, then and only then is it OK, - A FRUSTRATED ROMANTIC!

Every relationship has it own dynamics. Sometimes partners are not perfectly matched in the romantic department and while it can cause problems, they often work themselves out. If she wants you to initiate things but yet still resists then there are underlying issues that need to be addressed first. If you both are committd to this then you need to find out what those issues are. This can be a fear of intimacy, childhood issues, sexual trauma or even a lack of excitement about the relationship. Once addressed and solved then you can move on the romantic aspect.